ACTORS COMMISERATING TOGETHER: The Annoying Actor Friend’s Winter Drinking Game

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Nothing is worse than being an actor in the winter. It’s cold. It’s miserable. Orange is the New Black airs in the summer. There’s literally nothing to do. We might as well commiserate together! And I know just how to pull us all out of this miserable fuck of a season… DRINKING GAMES!!! #werrrrrkkkkkkkkqqqq. There’s only one problem (actually…more like six):

1.) NO SMASH.

2.) NBC’S NEXT LIVE MUSICAL EVENT IS ALMOST A YEAR AWAY.

3.) TONYS ARE IN JUNE.

4.) NO RUSSELL CROWE OR ANNE HATHAWAY IN THIS AWARDS SEASON.

5.) MY AUDIENCE DOESN’T WATCH FOOTBALL.

6.) NO SMASH.

That is why I have decided that the first Annoying Actor Friend drinking game of 2014 be devoted to that sexy subject on everybody’s minds: ACTORS’ EQUITY ASSOCIATION!!!

I’d now like to appeal to Parliamentary Procedure and motion to uphold the rules of the Annoying Actor Friend’s Equity Regional Membership Meeting Drinking Game. [Please note that according to RULE: 1 (1) (A) of the Elaine Stritch Handbook, “alcohol may be consumed up to one hour before half hour call.” While audio recordings of any kind are not permitted in an Equity Membership Meeting, I didn’t find any rules against flasks.*]

Unless otherwise specified, drink when:

  • you forgot to pay your dues and are not permitted admittance into the meeting (finish your drink as you sulk down Broadway for being so non-eq).
  • the council room is packed with so many members that you have to listen from a hallway.
  • you see someone “live tweeting” the event.
  • someone says the word APATHY.
  • the moderator adheres to a time restraint better than any Equity stage manager you’ve ever known.
  • someone shouts, #WERK!
  • an actor uses a fancy word you don’t understand.
  • finish your drink if you’re surprised it was THAT actor.
  • you agree with someone.
  • you learn something.
  • you walk away empowered and proud to be an Equity member.

We’re all #soblessed to have this opportunity to share our ideas with our union representatives. It’s important that they know we are not against them, just as it’s REALLY important that Thomas Schumacher, Hal Luftig, or any other producer out there know that I am not against them for doing their job (BECAUSE PLEASE HIRE ME). Who’s ready to have a kick ass time? #1000MemberMeeting

The Eastern Regional Membership Meeting is on Friday, January 10, 2014 at 2pm in the Council Room on the 14th Floor of the Equity Building, 165 West 46th Street, New York.

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