It’s time to discuss an issue I find to be somewhat disconcerting: The Annoying Actor Friend Enabler. Who are they? They are the people you find listed at the bottom of an Annoying Actor Friend post. They are the people who LIKE a status update that induces dry heaving.
Have you ever actually looked at the amount of LIKES some of these truly douche-errific posts have gotten? Some of them number in the hundreds. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I’ve only had one post in the last year garner 100 LIKES and it was a picture of somebody else’s dog in a costume. Why are people LIKING these posts? Who are they? I DON’T KNOW!
I recently read a status update that opened with four backdoor-brags about how said person wasn’t being taken seriously because they were attractive and then it closed with a sentence about how they will continue to remain humble while working hard until they succeed and “that’ll show ‘em!”
THINGS TO NOTE:
1.) HUMBLE: having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.
This word gets thrown around about as often as #blessed. “Humble” is the Unawaresie’s cheap whore. The moment one refers to themselves as “humble” on an online platform specifically designed for sharing information about oneself, they are going against the very definition of the word. You cannot be humble on Facebook. It’s not just impossible… IT IS AN OXYMORON.
2.) THIS PERSON’S POST HAD OVER 250 LIKES.
It’s safe to assume that at least 30 of those LIKES were sarcasm. But what about the other 200+? Utterly puzzling. Who are these Annoying Actor Friend Enablers? They are so mystifyingly silent in their offensiveness that it took me over a year of writing on Twitter, over twenty SMASH blogs, and an entire book before actually noticing this peculiar individual.
Perhaps the Annoying Actor Friend Enabler is just really good friends with the Annoying Actor Friend? It’s a thought, but anytime one of my really good friends becomes an ass-cap on social media, I screen capture it and bitch about it with our mutual really good friends. And I’m sure they do the same with me. That’s what true friends are for. But true friends never actually LIKE the annoying status in question. That’s like pushing alcohol on a friend in AA. It’s rude.
Maybe we should not just wonder if we’re being an Annoying Actor Friend, but question if we’re an Annoying Actor Friend Enabler. It’s something to think about. Don’t be a whore with your LIKES. Approach every potential LIKE with the cautiousness and curiosity of a fair virgin – lest we find ourselves a Slutty Social Media Strumpet while our poor Annoying Actor Friends overdose on their own self-righteousness.
Oh, and BUY MY BOOK!
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