Dear Russell Crowe,
I am writing to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your participation in the cinematic triumph that is Les Miserables. There has been a lot of negativity regarding your performance but I want you to know that your portrayal of Javert has changed my life.
In December, I was in a low place. The drama surrounding Rebecca had come to a halt. SMASH was still nearly three months away. Broadway was free of Wildhorn musicals and Scandalous had run its course. I had nowhere to go. I was utterly alone. Then you gave me a gift. On December 25th, while many celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ, I celebrated the re-birth of my soul. All it took was a round, disgruntled Australian, shoehorned into Britney Spears’ Toxic costume.
When I first heard the smooth sound of your crushed velvety vocals, I knew I was in the presence of greatness. I was invigorated! I finally had something to work with. I felt unstoppable! No topic was too obscure to tie on a Russell Crowe reference. Boxing Day, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Catherine Zeta-Jones at the Golden Globes, Beyonce’s infamous lip-synching, and the 2014 planned revival of Les Miserables all became subjects I was able to connect to your performance.
In the two months since Les Miserables debuted in movie theaters, I have tweeted about you five times, receiving a combined total of 601 retweets and 324 favorites. Don’t you see? Your Javert has brought everyone together. People will debate for years whether Anne Hathaway should have an Academy Award or if Tom Hooper’s direction was groundbreaking or just bat-shit crazy. But when it comes to your performance, everyone on the face of the planet is on the same page. I honestly believe that this universal agreement is the closest we will ever come to world peace.
Awards season has ended and I am feeling somewhat bittersweet. I will truly miss the times we shared but I am ready to close this chapter of my life. One day, I hope you return to the cinema in a musical. Preferably as The Engineer in Miss Saigon. I would pay to see that. I wouldn’t even wait for the SAG screener.
With sincere gratitude,