#smashedwithsmash: “The Surprise Party”

Tonight I drank a few martinis and pressed play on the old DVR to enjoy the first Saturday installment of SMASH. As promised, I took notes completely blasted…

When constructing an edition of “SMASH Don’t Give a Shit,” I handwrite several notes, and then expand upon them in my top ten. Usually these notes are raw and unfiltered. Tonight, you get to see them unedited. I’m surprised there aren’t more spelling errors…

Writing two recaps in one week is a lot of werk, so if I wakeup tomorrow morning without a headache, I’ll be happy to compose one for “The Surprise Party.” If not, then you’re stuck with this…

SMASH: “The Surprise Party”

Surprise! SMASH was moved to hospice. This party sucks.

OH GOD THEY’RE IN TECH!

No, something that ends YEARS of friendship would be allowing Karen to be Marilyn.

Why is ANYONE following Julia’s son on Instagram? #specialneeds #nofilter

We get it. Nobody likes Michael Riedel.

This guy was once on Homeland.

Karen is the new Ellis.

LOL. Kyle’s trying to be involved.

Tom forgot Ivy’s birthday? Guess they’re not Facebook friends…

PSM Linda is OBVIOUSLY Ivy’s Facebook friend.

Ivy “loves her birthday”? I haven’t “loved” my birthday since I turned 21.

Siri knows how to “Call Liza”? #gayestphoneever

Jimmy is too angry to have written this Ashlee Simpson/Taylor Swift bull shit.

Oh dear god Karen is dancing again.

Homeland guy is like, “Jesus, I suffered a terrorist induced heart attack for this?”

Wait, now even the Homeland guy likes Karen? #imdone

The Diva is not a character? Wait.. The role you didn’t cast before rehearsals began, then assigned to the drunk girl at the bar on some random night, needs more development?

Please explain your feelings towards dramaturgs, Julia. Because I thought they were only sexual…and: SHOW DOCTOR!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

The boys have talent but they don’t have time? They only have a month? They only got their chicken scratch show off broadway in five minutes.

Crap here come those Greek coffee cups again.

“Compartmentalized” is a big word for Karen.

Ivy get over it. Tom cast you as Marilyn. He could have called Sutton.

Julia, using a “board” to structure a musical is a fancy way of saying, “We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.”

“Are you ashamed of me?” -Karen “Of course not.” -Jimmy “LOL” -America

If checking your phone is the international symbol for, “I’d rather be having a root canal,” then I guess I’ve been checking my phone all season.

Thank god Eileen said, “POV” instead of “point of view.” You might not be saving syllables, but you sound cool!

Oh, god. The bulletin board. Nothing says, “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing” more than the ability to randomly move songs around because they were never written to further the plot.

Hey, Jesse L. Martin, it don’t matter if Julia is married or not. Julia don’t give a shit!

Liza said, “Hello, my baby” as in “Hello, my ragtime gal.”

So, Ivy has ALWAYS wanted to meet Liza. And Tom knows that. But he waited until he was on Ivy’s shit list to ask Siri to call her? Tom = worst friend ever.

Richard left without either finishing or throwing his martini.

Michael Riedel has a SAG card and I don’t.

So much alcohol. So little Ana.

SMASH decided to just become an “All That Chat” wet dream, that “All That Chat” will judge heavily.

Nobody struggles on SMASH. I triple dog dare them to have a character that ISN’T working.

I wouldn’t say Ivy overreacted a “teeny bit.” I mean, she was never wearing angel wings in Times Square, so I call it a successful evening.

LOL. They are trying to make Kyle matter.

Why is Tom mad at Ivy for going to her other party? I missed something, I guess I was too distracted by booze and Jessica’s indifference.

LOL. Jimmy’s Hit List character said to Karen’s Hit List character, “You’re life is perfect. You have everything.” and then she said, “No I don’t.” and then I said, “JESUS CHRIST.”

This Jimmy/Karen/Derek scene is golden. I need to watch it again sober.

WHY WASN’T HIT LIST WRITTEN BEFORE THEY STARTED FILMING THIS SEASON???

That’s right, we don’t need to call it “dramaturg.” We could maybe call it what it is…

I’m glad this “Bittersweet Symphony” cover is happening five episodes after the Liaisons/Cruel Intentions  plot ended.

Derek has Facebook and reads his Facebook invites. Or he tracks Ivy’s iphone.

***

Believe it or not, these archaic scratchings are a pretty solid representation of what eventually turns into “SMASH Don’t Give a Shit”

GOOD NIGHT!

UPDATE: This will stand as my recap for “The Surprise Party.” Regular “SMASH Don’t Give a Shit” issues will continue with the next episode.

4 comments

  1. Brandon

    So glad someone filled me in on what the hell they were discussing at dinner. I must confess, I only watch SMASH so that I can read this blog the next day… #soblessed

  2. GS

    Love your recaps!
    Meanwhile, perhaps you were too drunk to notice (and make fun of the fact) that Tom, having forgotten Ivy’s birthday until sometime during rehearsal the day of, had a chance to write a completely new song for her AND teach it to Liza sometime between rehearsal and dinner. And this from someone who doesn’t usually write his own lyrics!
    I’d be curious to know how long it actually took M Shaiman and S Wittman (and Liza) to do same.
    But who cares? Obviously Smash don’t give a shit….

  3. Andrew

    Haha did you notice that when Eileen was at dinner they were having a conversation about the new Bates Motel show.

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