#NOTBLESSED: Always a Bridesmaid

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The Tony nominations came out last week and I wasn’t nominated. Most of us weren’t. Whatever! You know what sucks balls more than that? The New York Times’ recent article, “They Feel Blessed,” by Jessica Bennett.

OK, the article doesn’t suck balls. It’s written extremely well (even if the tone is filled with the wonder of your favorite older Aunt discovering hashtags for the first time), and it brings an important concern of mine to the masses who might otherwise not have been exposed to the vitriol that occurs when encountering the word “blessed.” What bothers me about this article is that it’s about two years too late to the party. Social media is a mean bitch. If you don’t tweet the tweet or blog the blog at the height of a subject’s relevance, you’re screwed. It just seems odd to read an article such as this over half a year after I released a book literally called #SOBLESSED.

I get it. I’m a blip on a radar that nobody is watching. I can’t take offense to this. Still, I am THE ORIGINAL Annoying Actor Friend, and I will certainly find an elaborate way to make it about me. You know what this feels like? It’s like when you come up with a “bit” in a workshop, but then they cast someone else for the Broadway company, and when you go to see the show, that other person is performing your bit! And I’m not talking The Book of Mormon workshop, where at least you get a monthly royalty check that pays your rent. This is more like a “Lab.” All of the work, but no right of first refusal.

Not that I’m #ungrateful. I understand that I have a niche audience who supports me, but overall, the people that matter don’t give a shit. I’m like the fucking Bridges of Madison County of the Internet.

So, why is my dance belt in a bunch? Because I want the New York Times to do a fucking story on Annoying Actor Friend, #SOBLESSED — and remember the crazy AEA shit that went down in the winter? I mean, NY1 covered Annoying Actor Friend two months ago. Does the New York Times really want to be two months behind NY1?

Furthermore, I want all you Awaresies out there who’ve been on my crusade to take pride in knowing you were all aware first. I want you to hold on tight to that thing about you that is original, and scream you’re fucking face off until someone takes notice. Make it about you. If you don’t, ain’t nobody else gonna give a shit.

Stay #blessed, and always #grateful.

AF.

Here is an excerpt from the chapter, “Social Netwerking Etiquette” in #SOBLESSED, where I give my take on the word of the day:

1.

CHOOSE THE RIGHT WORDS

bless·ed  adj.

1. a. Worthy of worship; holy.

b. Held in veneration; revered.

Constructing a proper tweet or status update is akin to crafting an intricate lyric. It’s all about the words. Stephen Sondheim once said, “I’ve always thought of lyric-writing as a craft rather than an art, largely a matter of sweat and time.” I relate to this because when I tweet, “#blessed,” it’s not just an off-the-cuff hashtag, but rather the product of tedious rewrites meant to evoke empathy for my self-appointed holiness. Actors are like the Sondheims of social media!

When choosing a hashtag to properly articulate how #lucky one feels about their good #fortune, actors steer clear of options like #advantageous, #propitious, or #opportune. Instead, we lean in favor of the most revered adjective in the English language: #blessed. It’s the only word to appropriately describe how I feel whenever something fantastic and worthy of envy happens to me. However, trends come and go so quickly around here. What was once “fierce” is now “everything,” and while it’s great to honor the classics, perhaps it’s time to move on. Millennials are forward thinkers, right? The simple act of plugging #blessed into Thesaurus.com blew my mind with a plethora of synonyms that could really push the envelope in social media #gratefulness. Think of how of how groundbreaking it will be when we start trending hashtags like: #adored, #sanctified, #divine, or #amongtheangels.

 #SOBLESSED is currently on sale on Amazon.com

One comment

  1. L Livingston

    Thanks for my first laugh of the day. I will admit I didn’t read the article you refer to, so maybe this is redundant but I HATE when people use the word blessed in referring to winning an award or getting a role. I also hate when people thank god for their talent or good fortune. Like, if there is a god, he/she is focusing on your self-absorbed little life and ignoring, war, famine and torture. (Saw a lot of this at the last music awards.)

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