I have not seen Hamilton. I have not listened to Hamilton. I have not read one article, nor watched any interviews, press footage, or GIFs. Anything I know about the show, I’ve learned from scrolling through Twitter.
It’s not that I am not interested in Hamilton, it’s just that I know it’s going to take me six years to see it, and I don’t want to know anything going in.
THIS IS WHAT I DO KNOW…
1.) The Show is About Alexander Hamilton: This is self-explanatory, but not to me a year ago…
This new Lin-Manuel musical Hamilton. I guess it's about Hamilton Heights? Can't the man write anything that takes place below 145th Street?
— AnnoyingActorFriend (@Actor_Friend) November 16, 2014
OK, that was sarcasm, but the subject matter is pretty much the extent of what I know to this day.
2.) There Are Three Sisters: The sisters’ last name is “Schuyler,” but I am not sure if it’s pronounced SHOE-LER (as in Shuler Hensley) or SKYLER (as in Zachary Quinto’s character from Heroes.)
3.) One Sister is Ugly: I think? Her name is Peggy — and I guess she’s undesirable, or plain, or just not who you want to get on that BuzzFeed quiz. Twitter basically says she sucks.
4.) There is a Room, and Something Happens There: Originally, I thought the “room where it happened” was just a really douchey way of bragging about being inside the Richard Rodgers Theatre on opening night, but I guess it’s a line in the show? Maybe even an entire scene takes place there? Whatever the case, there’s a room, and something happens there, that’s for certain.
5.) King George (the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd): By the time of the Tony Awards, no less than three actors will have played the part of King George, so I’m guessing it’s a taxing role?
6.) Satisfied: I have gathered that this is a power ballad.
7.) My Shot: I called this song,”one shot” for weeks, until my friend corrected me.
8.) Aaron Burr: He is in this musical and is played by Leslie Odom Jr., who was on Smash, and is also the only Hamilton cast member who I have noticed ‘favorite’ any of my Hamilton tweets — so based off that fact alone, Aaron Burr is the best character in Hamilton.
9.) Tickets Are Hot: Since papering for this show never happened, I dropped the ball when it came to buying tickets, and it’s going to be 2017 before I get one. It took me over a year to see The Book of Mormon, two years for Matilda, and a decade to get to Wicked. I like a show to settle… It’s why I’ve never seen any production of Cats.
THANK YOU FOR READING AND NO SPOILERS PLEASE.