Guide to the Golden Globes

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I’m really excited to watch the Tina Fey and Amy Poehler show tonight. ONE PROBLEM. I haven’t paid my SAG dues and didn’t receive any screeners. So, I’m really worried I won’t get any of the jokes.

If you’re in the same boat as me, don’t fret! I’m really good at deciphering plot-lines based solely on their titles.

LET’S SEE HOW CLOSE I AM!

The Imitation Game – That thing where your director gets up during rehearsal and says, “Let me be you.”

The Theory of Everything – One man’s journey to discover what makes something go from being liked, to being everything.

Nightcrawler – Alan Cumming’s highly anticipated X-Men spinoff.

Cake – A brave documentary following a group of dancers after Broadway Bares.

Still Alice – The movie adaptation of all those A… My Name is Alice song cycles. I think. I’m sure of this. Remember those?

Boyhood – The story of Andy Mientus’ Twitter account.

Wild – A documentary on spacial unawareness.

Pride – The first movie to ever be adapted from a Facebook status.

Gone Girl – The inspiring true story of a girl who quits her Broadway show because she’s bored, and heads out in search of something better.

Big Eyes – One time I was told this was a #ReasonsIDidntBookIt.

Birdman – Like Smash, but with explosions and flying — so more realistic.

Into the Woods – No clue.

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