The Annoying Actor Friend’s Drinking Guide for Viewing the Season 2 Premiere of SMASH
Throwing a SMASH viewing party? Shamefully watching alone? Then sit back on that couch and grab a handle of your favorite liquor, because no amount of Nick the bartender’s seven dollar martinis are going to satisfy what is sure to be an epic event.
Getting SMASHed with Friends: (When to drink while viewing SMASH with friends at a party or following them on social media.)
- Someone complains about the show being unrealistic.
- Someone name drops a friend on the show.
- You feel bad for Megan Hilty. Not Ivy. You feel genuinely bad for what they are putting Megan Hilty through.
- You, or someone you know, comments about how the show still sucks.
- Any moment you secretly think the show got better but are too embarrassed to admit it (take two drinks in silence).
- @Actor_Friend tweets something funny, or he/she perceives to be funny.
- Someone mentions Ellis (drink once for yourself and once for your fallen comrade).
- Someone pauses the show to reenact a moment from the episode.
- Someone pauses the show because whatever just happened was so utterly offensive, you had to get up and walk around the room for a while.
- The words, “werk,” “rich,” or “fierce” are yelled with passion.
- You, or someone else, complains about not getting an appointment this season.
- You wish Eileen still threw drinks at people (throw a drink at someone).
Getting SMASHed Alone: (When to drink while watching SMASH and actually paying attention to the show instead of the people around you.)
- There is an awkward dismissal of a character from season one.
- Julia looks disappointed in herself or someone else (chase your drink with a peanut butter dipped banana).
- A forced introduction of a new character.
- A character says something that only an insider would understand, then repetitively drills it until it is sure to become a meme and an overkill amongst the theatre community.
- J Hud takes an acting beat.
- J Hud makes you wonder HOW she won an Academy Award.
- J Hud reminds you WHY she won an Academy Award.
- Two characters share a scene at those tables in Times Square, when they would more likely be at Panera or Schnipper’s, or any place that isn’t surrounded by tourists.
- An industry person (i.e. investor, producer, or Michael Riedel) makes a “deer-in-the-headlights” cameo.
- A character mentions Ellis (finish your drink, pour another, drink that, then lurk in an open doorway during the next commercial break).
- Krysta Rodriguez says something. Anything.
- A character either calls or insists that somebody else, “call Bernie.”
- Eileen acts sexy.
- A character sings a pop cover of a song that was only available because GLEE wasn’t using it this season.
- Derek rocks his Matrix Halloween costume.
- A character finds a way to insult garbage men and chorus members in the same sentence.
- Tara Rubin, Binder, Carnahan or ANY OTHER casting office is mentioned.
- Two, or more, characters act out a scene without using any listening skills.
- A character uses the word “blessed,” in any context (finish your drink).