Monthly Archives: January 2016

I SWORE NBC ALREADY DID THIS: Annoying Actor Friend’s “Grease Live” Drinking Game

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I seriously forgot this shit was happening. Between NBC’s three live musical events and their 2007 smash hit, Grease: You’re the One That I Want!, I honestly thought it already had. In fact, I am not entirely certain that none of the white people in the photograph above aren’t Aaron Tveit. Alas, FOX’s Grease Live is indeed something we are all going to have to deal with this weekend, and we’re going to deal with it the only way we know how… with lots, and lots of alcohol.

After the well executed The Wiz Live and the shaming that came with hate-watching Peter Pan Live, we have all been itching to #MakeTwitterGreatAgain. NOW IS OUR TIME. Grease Live is an LA thing, so all bets are off! There’s no need to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings because it’s LA and nobody has them!

There are a lot of promising things about Grease Live, so let’s get the pleasantries out of the way first…

1.) DIVERSITY: The only thing whiter than Grease, are the people who love Grease. So props to Grease Live for the diverse casting.

2.) LIVE AUDIENCE: Oh, for the love of fuck, thank God somebody has listened to us and thrown in an audience. Without one, it feels like the cast is bombing.  I’ve gathered from actors who’ve performed in previous NBC musical events that after multiple runs without an audience, the live show feels normal. However, for those of us at home, it still looks like they are tanking, and thus, we feel sorry for them in spite of the FAT CHECK we know they are getting. I look forward to seeing how this works with an audience, and I’m even more excited for how NBC will find a way to ignore the success of it when they do Hairspray Live.

3.) COOL FILMING: Grease Live is not going to be confined to one studio, and will instead be shot in multiple locations that include exteriors. This means it might literally rain on prom night, and I for one, would like to see that happen to Julianne Hough.

4.) ANA. GASTEYER.

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ALRIGHT! Now that we’ve covered the good stuff, it’s time to grab your favorite beverage, pour one out for feminism, and devote the next three hours of your life to a truly dated piece of theater that proves that deeply-rooted nostalgia will always make misogyny A-OKAY.

WARNING: I urge you to use caution. I have never constructed a set of drinking game rules more dangerous than this one. 

Ready? OK…

DRINK WHEN…

  • you remember that Grease is a terrible show.

Goodnight, everybody!

CLOSING TIME: The “Your Friend’s Show is Closing and You Can’t Deal with Them” Drinking Game

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Shows come and go. Some closing notices are tragic (an open ended run), some are expected (a limited engagement), and some really don’t mean shit (regional theatre). But to the people who are members of the casts that are going not-so-gently into that dark night, a show’s closing can make for a somewhat traumatic experience for you on the Internet. Often, your various social media platforms become plagued with obligatory closing-notice-sobbing, that you literally can’t even begin to even with. That is why in honor of all of the shows that close in January (and throughout the year), I have constructed the:

“Your Friend’s Show is Closing and You Can’t Deal with Them” Drinking Game!

This game is awesome because you can apply it to any time someone you know is in a show and that show is closing (just use caution if it’s a college show, because you. will. die.) All you have to do is crack open some Svedka and your smartphone, and revel in the self-congratulatory-sadness that is your friend’s closing weekend. Apply it to your own show if you’re really jaded!

LET’S BEGIN!

UNLESS OTHERWISE SPECIFIED, DRINK WHEN SOMEONE POSTS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS:

  • family
  • amazing
  • thankful
  • gratitude
  • life changing (drink twice)
  • experience (drink twice)
  • life changing and experience in the same sentence (switch to butt chugging)
  • honored
  • monumental
  • the best show I have ever done (take a shot because it wasn’t)
  • incredible
  • amazing again
  • something about being “the greatest cast/company” (take a few extra drinks for all of the people who have previously done a show with this person and have now been offended.)
  • heart is so full (kill yourself)
  • humbled (finish the bottle and unfollow)

If you don’t know anyone who is closing a show in the near future, try this game during the closing weekend of Spring Awakening!

The Unofficial 2016 BroadwayCon Bar Crawl Route

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This weekend marks the first ever BroadwayCon! I am so happy someone finally created an event like SantaCon, but for us. You see, there’s always one Saturday every December when I feel extremely left out because I don’t live in Murray Hill or work an entry level position at a hedgefund firm, and are therefore not allowed to participate in something quite like the frat-tastic bro-boozefest that is SantaCon…. UNTIL NOW. That’s right! The time has come to take back our right to vomit in the middle of the street and engage in public urination while dressed as a slutty Zaneeta Shinn without the fear of judgment! It’s time to get our BroadwayCon ON!

RULES:

1.) Use the provided map as your guide.

2.) Grab a group of your most obnoxious friends.

3.) Sex up your favorite Broadway character costume.

4.) Chose any of the BroadwayCon dates (Jan. 22nd, 23rd, or 24th), as well as a day or two after to recover.

5.) Make sure to have at least one drink at each establishment.

6.) MOST IMPORTANT: Do not get belligerent and hurt anyone. Remember… you are representing Broadway, and Broadway is anything but a mess.

LET’S BEGIN!

START: Glass House Tavern,  252 W 47th St.

Ideally, you’ll be starting early in the day, so Glass House won’t be slammed with post-show schmooze. After 11 p.m., Glass House turns into the Broadway Hunger Games, where every show sends two tributes to fight for oxygen and career longevity by having to network in a sardine can. If you feel you’re missing out on that by being there so early, don’t worry, there is always time to go back. Enjoy your inaugural BroadwayCon drink here and carry onto…

STOP #2: Bar Centrale, 324 W 46th St.

If you thought Glass House was expensive, hold onto your hat. Bar Centrale is even more buzzy (but like “famous people” buzzy) so the drinks cost more, but it’s OK because one time I stood in line for the bathroom behind Marilu Henner.

The exterior is subtle, and makes up for 50% of Table 46 on Smash. You probably won’t get in here without a reservation, so just go back to Glass House and have a second drink before heading to…

STOP #3: Joe Allen, 326 W 46th St.

Joe Allen completes the second 50% of Table 46 from Smash, and is known for hosting show posters of infamous Broadway flops on its walls. Enjoy a scotch and Instagram a few pics of you and your friends next to the posters of Nick and NoraSpider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and Nerds. Now, it’s time to journey to…

STOP #4: Hourglass Tavern, 2, 373 W 46th St.

Hourglass Tavern is Glass House Tavern for the unemployed. They have a great happy hour, and you get the feel of being successful because Hourglass Tavern sounds vaguely like Glass House Tavern. The third floor is nice and secluded, and the bathrooms feel homy like an apartment because I think it might actually be someone’s apartment. Anyway, you’ll feel comfortable executing your first vomit of the day here if it’s already come to that. Hopefully not, because your mind is going to be blown when you make it to…

STOP #5: Gyu-Kaku Japanese BBQ, 321 W 44th St.

Gyu-Kaku is the Hourglass Tavern for the unemployed who has run out of unemployment insurance and still hasn’t booked a job. If you read #GRATEFUL: Everything Happens for a Reason, you know that Gyu-Kaku serves half price drinks in the bar area ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Their martinis are so cheap that Eileen Rand would lose her fucking shit.

Feel free to stock up on a few drinks here without judgement. Gyu-Kaku is next to the Binder office*, not the Telsey building, so there’s no chance you’ll run into anyone important. Once you’re ready, it’s time to class it up at…

*It has been brought to my attention that Binder moved a year ago and nobody noticed.

STOP #6: Sardi’s, 234 W 44th St.

After the sudden closure of Angus (and up next, the Ziegfeld) you might as well stop into Sardi’s because you just never know these days. It’s possible you’ve timed this out so you can still get the cheap “Actors Lunch” by showing your Equity card–and if you’re non-Equity, I won’t say a word because I still want you to follow me.

After you’ve enjoyed enough time trying to figure out who the fuck those drawings are supposed to be, say a prayer because you’re about to enter Times Square…

STOP #7: The View Lounge at the Marriott Marquis, 1535 Broadway.

I know you’ll have to deal with tourists and people who are going to see On Your Feet, but I thought the view at the top might be pretty–or at the very least, there are three hundred outlets on the hotel’s various floors if you need to charge your phone. I’d give this place a quick one-and-done, before braving the rest of Times Square…

OPTIONAL DETOUR: Lillie’s Victorian Bar & Restaurant, 249 W 49th St.

If cutting straight through hell proves to be too much, you can take this optional detour. Lillie’s is kind of like the Uptown Glass House, but I’m not sure to be honest, because I haven’t been there since I discovered Glass House.

STOP #8: Rosie O’Grady’s, 800 7th Ave.

You made it through Times Square! Celebrate by making a quick stop at this moderate tourist trap that I only placed on this bar crawl because the Hello, Dolly! revival was announced this week and there’s this part in the show where Ernestina yells something about Rosie O’Grady. They also have a pretty good French Onion soup. Once you’re fulfilled, you can take pride in knowing that you made it to the…

FINISH! New York Hilton Midtown, 1335 6th Avenue.

Apparently a bunch of Broadway people are hitting up this place over the weekend during their own BroadwayCon celebration, and I think it would be a fun gag if after copious amounts of day drinking, you surrounded yourself with a shit-ton of industry professionals. You know, like a cool after party!

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IN CONCLUSION… as you go forth unto your BroadwayCon, I ask that you play this shit to win. Go full out! Make this first BroadwayCon an event to remember. If I don’t see some dude dressed as Dickon holding back the hair of a Galinda as she vomits onto Sixth Avenue next to a pile of passed out Pippins, then what the fuck is the point? If you’re gonna do BroadwayCon, do BroadwayCon RIGHT.