Monthly Archives: June 2015

SOMEDRINK ROTTEN: Annoying Actor Friend’s 2015 Tony Awards Drinking Game

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What an incredible Broadway season, right?! We had the return of Chita Rivera in a starring role, a PLAY at the Winter Garden, Kelli O’Hara surpassing Susan Lucci’s record for consecutive Best Actress nominations, a guy making a Tony nominated debut right out of college (kill me), an eleven year old making a Tony nominated debut (seriously kill me), three original pieces of theatre nominated for Best Musical, and An American in Paris.

Good things aside, the Tony Awards have to be the most brutal sport still legally presented on television. We’re essentially watching shows compete for their lives under the guise of celebrating “live theatre.” But like, the entire thing is pretty much a blood bath with tap shoes and foreword placement. It’s like watching a mashup of The Reaping in The Hunger Games and that Ramsay/Sansa scene from Game of Thrones, with occasional jazz-hands. Broadway isn’t just hard, it’s fucking fucked up, you guys.

I’ve heard that all the nominated casts are being forced to remain sequestered in a dressing room at Radio City until the final prize that decides their fate is announced. Then, the losers have to go on stage and join the winners, so they can all dance to “Oh, What A Night,” with everyone from Jersey Boys, who also won (in like 1996). If this is true, then the least we can do is support these brave actors of Broadway by getting royally shit-faced on our couches.

OK! Grab several of your favorite drinks, pour one out for Sound Design, and let’s get started!

THE RULES:

You might remember a few of these rules from 2014’s A Drinker’s Guide… and 2013’s  Drinky Boots, and I’m not even ashamed to recycle them because there were literally nine hundred theatre award ceremonies this year, and I’ve already forgotten which one I’m currently writing about.

As per usual, all rules apply to what is happening on screen, through social media, or wherever you are viewing it.. Unless otherwise specified, drink when:

  • You hear the words: “live theatre”
  • Hugh Jackman doesn’t hop across the stage, destroying the opening number.
  • A winner thanks God in their acceptance speech (take one drink for them, and one for the latest national tragedy that God didn’t get a chance to stop because He was too busy helping that person win a Tony).
  • You roll your eyes.
  • A producer of an un-nominated show buys air time.
  • Anytime a moment is so awkward, your butthole literally clenches.
  • Jennifer Hudson sings “I Can’t Let Go” in front of a Finding Neverland backdrop.
  • Someone cries (drink twice if it’s someone you’re with).
  • The sound doesn’t work (drink cautiously because it’s going to be a long night).
  • There is a technical issue (again, drink cautiously because it’s going to be a long night).
  • Hollywood celebrity!
  • Helen Mirren wins another award for having limited range.
  • You get On the Town and An American in Paris confused.
  • Someone spells it Tony’s. #unfriend.
  • Various parts of the Internet don’t know how to handle “Ring of Keys.”
  • Someone uses the words #grateful or #blessed in any form. That includes ironically.
  • Harvey Weinstein replaces someone mid-show (drink twice if it’s YOU).
  • You see someone you know on stage.
  • You get bitterly jealous of said person.
  • Daisy Eagan goes through it.
  • There is a performance that has nothing to do with the 2015 season. Drink twice if it has nothing really to do with theatre.
  • The In Memoriam leaves someone out (finish your bottle if they don’t #Dim4Joan).
  • You see someone onstage who doesn’t belong there (drink at your own risk).
  • Someone does something that reminds you why you love theatre (drink twice if you found this annoying. three times if you found this sincere. four times because Chita, and why not).

The Kelli O’Hara Lightening Round

In honor of Kelli O’Hara’s six Tony nominations, just take six shots not matter what.

Remember to always drink cautiously, but unapologetically.

2015 AWARESIE AWARDS: Winners!

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The AWARESIE AWARDS honor excellence on Broadway, Broadway Internet, and more specifically: Shit the Tonys Leave Out

The 1st AWARESIE AWARDS were held at an elaborate ceremony on YouTube and presented by Aaron Albano, Iain Armitage, Mo Brady, Frank DiLella, Brian Gallagher, Megan Hilty, Nikka Graff Lanzarone, Ashlee Latimer, Lesli Margherita, Ellyn Marie Marsh, Kyle Dean Massey, Julia Murney, Chelsea Nachman, Cesar Rocha, Krysta Rodriguez, Jordan Roth, Nic Rouleau, Tara Rubin, Jennifer Ashley Tepper, and Alex Wyse.

AND THE AWARESIES GO TO…

Best Sound Design of a Play

WINNER: Ian Dickinson and Autograph, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Jill B.C. Du Boff, Hand to God

Nick Powell, Wolf Hall Parts One & Two

Fitz Patton, Airline Highway

Best Sound Design of a Musical

Scott Lehrer, The King and I

WINNER: Kai Harada, Fun Home

Peter Hylenski, Something Rotten!

Jon Weston, On the Twentieth Century

Best Casting of a Play

It’s Only A Play, Carparelliotis Casting

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, Daniel Swee CSA and Cindy Tolan CSA

WINNER: Hand to God, Telsey + Company and William Cantler CSA

The Elephant Man, Calleri Casting

Best Casting of a Musical

It Shoulda Been You, Tara Rubin Casting

Fun Home, Jim Carnahan Casting

The Visit, Calleri Casting

WINNER: Something Rotten!, Casey Nicholaw’s Phone

Best Replacement in a Play or Musical 

Martin Short, It’s Only A Play

WINNER: Emma Stone, Cabaret

The Hedwigs, Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Everyone, Finding Neverland

Best Production to Close Before the Tonys

WINNER: Side Show

The Last Ship

The Heidi Chronicles

Love Letters

Holler if Ya Hear Me

Play or Musical that Best Passes the BECHDEL Test

WINNER: Fun Home

It Shoulda Been You

Side Show

Airline Highway

Most Random Concert at 54 Below 

Sondheimas

This Will Be Our Year

WINNER: Lost Boys Live!

Best at Keeping SMASH Relevant

WINNER: Jennifer Ashley Tepper

Annoying Actor Friend

Blessedterns

Neil Meron and Craig Zadan

Karen or Ivy

Karen

WINNER: Ivy

WINNER: Ana Vargas

The Ana Vargas Award for Overall Badassery

Roma Torre

Helen Mirren

WINNER: Krysta Rodriguez

Best Fan of Annoying Actor Friend

Blessedterns

Rachel Dratch

Angela Lansbury

Barack Obama

WINNER: Andy Mientus

Best Theatre Related YouTube Video I Watched at 2:30 in the Morning

Tituss Burgess sings “Meadowlark”

Patty & Emily Watch the 2014 Tony Awards

Opening Night of Fun Home with Broadway Style Guide hosted by Hayley Podschun 

Choosing the Right Font for Your Acting Resume

WINNER: ALL THE WICKED VIDEOS

Best Performance by Kelli O’Hara

Chita Rivera, The Visit

Kristin Chenoweth, On the Twentieth Century

Beth Malone, Fun Home

Lisa Howard, It Shoulda Been You

WINNER: Kelli O’Hara, The King & I

Best Performance on Twitter

WINNER: Laura Benanti, @LauraBenanti

Lesli Margherita, @QueenLesli

Jordan Roth, @Jordan_Roth

Chelsea Nachman, @chelseanachman

Alex Wyse, @alexwyse

Jeff Heimbrock, @jheimbrock

HONORABLE MENTION: Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) and Everyone She Retweets

Best Performance by a Hashtag

WINNER: #Dim4Joan

#JenTepperProblems

#BroadwayConPanels

#Dim4Corn

The Elaine Stritch Unemployment Avoidance Award

Aaron Albano

WINNER: Cameron Adams

Charlie Sutton

Laura Osnes

Best Performance By Something That Makes You Want to Kill Yourself

Actors Who Still Say Shit Like “When it Rains, it Pours” on Social Media Like It’s 2011

WINNER: The AEA 99-Seat Theatre Agreement Debate

Dream Casting

Broadway.com’s “Smack Down”

The Today Tix Hamilton Lottery

Best Broadway Internet Brand/Organization

Playbill

The Book of Mormon

WINNER: Iain Loves Theatre

Patty & Emily: Comedy and Opinions from Two Broadway Fans

The Interval: Smart Girls’ Guide to Theatricality

Best Marketing/Advertising Department for a Play or Musical

Hand to God, AKA

WINNER: Something Rotten!, SPOTCo, Inc.

It’s Only a Play, AKA, DTE Agency

Fun Home, SPOTCo, Inc.

Hamilton, The Internet

Best Press Department for a Play or Musical

Fun Home, O&M Co.

Something Rotten! Boneau / Bryan-Brown

Hand to God, O&M Co.

On the Town, Matt Ross Public Relations

WINNER: Hamilton, The Internet

The ENSEMBLIST‘s Award for Best Ensemble in a Musical

An American in Paris

WINNER: On the Town

Side Show

Something Rotten!

AWARESIE of the Year

WINNER: Annoying Actor Friend

“Wow! I can’t believe I won! This is such a surprise! When I created the Awaresie Awards with the soul intention of awarding myself the top prize, I never imagined that dream would actually become a reality. I’m so incredibly humbled. I’d like to thank Twitter, Broadway, my fans, the Awaresie Academy, and most of all, Me, for without whom, none of this would have been possible. Goodnight, and see you all next year.”