Monthly Archives: February 2015

LET ME TELL YOU WHY BIRDMAN WAS NOT LIKE REAL BROADWAY: The Annoying Actor Friend’s 2015 Academy Awards Drinking Game

4XZCUy1424553991

This isn’t Birdman‘s night. Or Boyhood‘s. Not Eddie’s, or Patricia’s, or even Anne Hathaway’s. The evening belongs to we, the people. This is social media’s biggest night, and I hope we break new ground in finding a way to make J.K. Simmons’ Oscar about us.

Between Neil Meron and Craig Zadan’s obsession with superfluous musical numbers, and Neil Patrick Harris’ mere presence, Broadway Internet is going to be weathering a four hour orgasm — so you may want to grab an extra bottle, or ten, to help you deal with that.

DRINKING RULES!!!

Drink every time…

  • Neil sings.
  • Neil dances.
  • Neil gets serious.
  • Neil cracks a joke.
  • Neil can do anything.
  • None of us will ever be like Neil.
  • Hugh Jackman shows up to say, “Musicals are back,” and then thanks his wife.
  • There’s a reference to the selfie of last year, or they do anything having to do with pandering to social media.
  • There’s an appearance by an actor you’ve seen in a Broadway show (drink twice if it was Emma Stone, because fuck man, how good was Emma Stone in Cabaret?)
  • Drink if you loved Emma Stone in The House Bunny.
  • She was also really good in Superbad.
  • Drink when someone says the word, “gay.”
  • Finish your drink if one of your Facebook friends is trying to live status the event, but their posts aren’t showing up in chronological order on your newsfeed.
  • There is a musical number that has nothing to do with any of the music nominated.
  • There’s anything referencing Into the Woods.
  • A winner says the word, “grateful.” (one of the songs nominated is literally called “Grateful,” so drink twice when it is performed, and finish your drink if it wins. Also, my second book, #GRATEFUL, will be released later this year. #staytuned. #shamelessselfpromotion. #drinkifyoumadeitthroughallofthesehashtags.)
  • There is an Adele Dazim joke (Finish your drink because that was like six years ago).
  • If someone makes an Adele Dazim joke that is followed up with someone else saying, “Let it Go,” finish the bottle and then beat yourself to death with it.
  • Joan Rivers on the “In Memoriam.” (because remember #Dim4Joan? See how I’ve already made this show about me and it hasn’t even aired yet?)
  • Someone mentions that the telecast is longer than it took to film Boyhood (or some version of that joke).
  • Neil is really proud of himself.
  • And you jump out your window.
  • Or DO you…?

In closing, I’d like to acknowledge that eight Best Picture nominees is a bit douchey. Some of us haven’t paid our SAG dues, and had to borrow screeners from friends. I didn’t get to see all of the nominated films, but here is my take on them based on their titles…

ANNOYING ACTOR FRIEND’S NOMINEES FOR BEST PICTURE

AMERICAN SNIPER
When a person posts something on social media that makes you feel inferior. 

BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE)
Like Smash, but with explosions and flying — so more realistic.

BOYHOOD
Newsies.

THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
A documentary following an aging actress who must tour the country on a tiered contract — and her recollection of days when every hotel on a full Production contract was grand.

THE IMITATION GAME
That thing where your director gets up during rehearsal and says, “Let me be you.”

SELMA
Eight non-Equity interns working in the Alabama Shakespeare Festival must commute from Selma, because the company manager couldn’t find them housing closer to the theatre. 

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING
Like, you know when the gays say, “That’s EVERYTHING?” But about music theory. 

WHIPLASH
The incredible true story of the cast of “Promises, Promises” learning the original choreography for Turkey Lurkey Time.

27 Facts You Didn’t Know About AARON TVEIT – Valentine’s Day Edition

NUP_138992_0553

 

1.) His name is Aaron Tveit.

2.) The “V” is silent.

3.) He is on “Graceland.”

4.) I have never seen “Graceland.”

5.) But I have been to Graceland.

6.) All I remember is the Jungle Room.

7.) Elvis lived in Graceland.

8.) Elvis never saw Wicked.

9.) Aaron Tveit was in Wicked.

10.) He was not Boq.

11.) I don’t know who was Boq.

12.) I only know a few Boqs.

13.) So many Boqs.

14.) “Aaron” is the only name to start with two “A’s.”

38.) “I” before “E,” except unless you’re Aaron Tveit.

15.) Aaron Tveit knows Anne Hathaway.

16.) Anne Hathaway knows Julie Andrews.

17.) Julie Andrews knows how to do a British accent.

18.) What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

19.) I have two shows.

20.) Aaron Tveit has been in at least two Broadway shows.

21.) Next to NormalCatch Me if You Can, and Altar Boyz.

22.) I think Altar Boyz.

23.) That may have been Kyle Dean Massey.

24.) Aaron Tveit is Kyle Dean Massey.

25.) Have you ever seen them in the same place?

26.) Kyle Dean Massey is doing “Nashville.”

42.) With Laura Benanti.

43.) From SMASH.

27.) Adnan is getting another appeal.

 

You’re a Queer One, Julia Jordan

5xiL1E1423013381

Due to scheduling, Jeremy Jordan is unable to appear in #SOBLESSED Live! at 54 Below on February 7th. We look forward to having him at a future engagement and are proud to announce that Julia Murney will be stepping into the role of Jeremy Jordan.

We caught up with Julia this afternoon to hear her thoughts regarding what is bound to be a groundbreaking performance…

How did you prepare for your audition for Jeremy Jordan? I was offer only, but I’m very familiar with his oevre.

What did you sing for it? Meadowlark. In the shower.

Was Jeremy in the room during your audition or callback? I have a photo of him on my piano, so-yes?

Did you read with Laura Osnes, Katharine McPhee, or just a reader? Andy Mientus

How did you feel when you heard you booked the role of Jeremy Jordan? Soy blessed, of course.

How does Jeremy feel? He’s starring in the Last Five Years movie & the Parade concert, so I’m guessing he feels Jason Robert Brown-ish.

Are you familiar with Jeremy’s cannon of work? I don’t like firearms.

Are you a fan? I have a ceiling fan, yes.

Were you on Smash? smashed potatoes are delicious-will there be some at the concert?

Are you nervous to portray such a prolific performer as Jeremy Jordan? I feel like everything has led me to this point…and I plan on being drunk so I’ll have no recollection as to whether I blow it or not. It’s kind of my thing.

How do you plan to make the role of Jeremy Jordan your own, yet stay true to the character? Wait-does his wife know that making him my own is part of the deal? She’s really nice…I would never.

Would you consider this your Daniel Day-Lewis moment? I would love a milkshake, thank you.

Who will you be wearing? Vintage JJ, by Jeremy Jordan. Also, pajamas cause this concert is so damned late at night.

#SOBLESSED Live! will be hosted by Lesli Margherita, featuring Wesley Taylor, Keala Settle, Michael James Scott, Adam Kaplan, Nikka Graff Lanzarone, Megan Sikora, Ellyn Marie Marsh, and introducing Julia Murney as Jeremy Jordan.

February 7th. 11:30 p.m. 54 Below.